last straw.

i have lost another friend.

maybe even two.

the things i heard you say.

i am disgusted. 

please don't talk about me.

bad about me especially to him.

or to her. 

or anyone.

i am not jealous because i liked him.

this disgusts me. 

i cannot believe you treated her like that.

how could you ever?

i can be civil to you.

but never be friends with you again.

i pray for guidance in this situation

and comfort. 

hopefully i will not have to deal with this

stupid stuff even more.

and i won't have to explain the situation again.

so babyhead died on friday.

i felt bad for him. when i discovered him barely 

breathing.

but in other news.

seriously??

wow.

yeah.

awful post.

i am here.

i do not like the fact that it is so hot.

places that i think are too far are not.

i did not mean for that to rhyme. 

Lord, 

help me be content with who i am.

to be secure in the fact that it will eventually happen.

to realize that there will be one who is just right.

help my heart to feel better when thinks don't work 

out the way i want them to.

i want to just search more after You.

my shift key doesn't work the way it is supposed to.

i don't think it will work. i am not sure if i can handle it.

i find myself becoming jealous of how you are friends.

and i miss that.

i don't want to have to pursue and feel like i am doing all the work.

maybe it is for some other reason.

san francisco and northern california was wonderful.

i cannot believe that she lives on the water. it was so beautiful.

i learned that i cannot handle one person for an extended amount of time.

but i am glad that i got to know mariah. 

i wish i had a relationship like that.

i am sad that we couldn't meet up. 

i miss you. it makes me sad to hear that you aren't having a good summer.

in san francisco i saw fixed gear riders.

a group. not just a couple people here and there.

and it made me miss the people in long beach.

not just because they ride bikes. but it reminded me of them.

one of the riders was uber showing off in front of me. 

i thought it was funny. he probably thought i would be all in awe and

want him or something.. man i want you so bad because of all the tricks you can do.

ahaha.

even though my dad and i have been fighting or something.

i think we are finally bridging that gap that was set up 

when i started driving and growing up.

oh by the way. 

i'm fat and need to lose weight.

or "my delicate frame can't hold the extra weight that i have 

right now"

thanks. because i wasn't self conscious about that already.

hopefully i will update this more often.

i kind of tend to forget about it.