first month in england is almost over.

it's so weird to think that i have been in england for almost a month.

i can't believe it.

i love it here. 

other than the fact that every store closes super early here.

i feel irresponsible though. by the fact that i have to start my work.

and dry run is coming up pretty soon. 

i just need to focus. write out a plan of attack and stick to it.

i just feel sort of intimidated though.

i really like my flatmates.

and all of the glass and ceramics people are super nice.

i can tell i'm going to be good friends with them.

and that i will miss them when i leave. 

but at least it will give me an excuse to come back to england.

i could see myself living here.

i love it. 

but i find my heart breaking.

for the people here.

for my flatmates.

for myself.

i'm not doing well. 

spiritually. i could be doing so much better.

i'm sorry. You deserve more.

tomorrow is really tomorrow.

six months will be a good way to get away from my stupidity.

well it probably wouldn't have happened if i wasn't

going away. haha. 

well.

tomorrow i am leaving. i am going to be embarking on my journey.

i hope i will stop thinking about minor things over here while i am over there.

that will hopefully be forgotten.

last week i also realized what my greatest fear is...

to be replaced.

life and people will go on. they should.

it would be selfish of me not to let it.

or hope that it wouldn't.

i will keep in touch with those i keep in touch with.

those that really matter. those that see me when i am here.

those that visit me while i am forty five minutes away.

those that i will truly miss. yesterday i said goodbye to

people that i am that close to that i can count on two hands.

today and tomorrow morning i will say goodbye to three.

tonight i hope to have a nice family dinner. 

one where my dad does not nitpick every little thing.

one where i can hold my tongue so that there

is no arguing. 

one where my family really talks.

i hope my dad will be fine without me.

without my mom for about ten days.

i'm so thankful that he is doing better.

thank You for everything.

EVERYTHING.

ten days. roughly.

i still have to pack. pretty much everything. 

i will probably forget things. it is bound to happen.

i always forget.

i hope you don't forget.

one thing i am going to think about is what

would have happened if i would have taken the 

classes i did this semester. with you in a majority of 

them.

but we will see. 

i am so excited about going to england. it is going to

be crazy. and a wonderful experience. 

it is so close! eek.